So What, I am 2o-Something and a Virgin?

“Previously published by Thought Catalog at”

I have been sending in some of my articles to Thought Catalog. Here is one :]

Don’t think I am narcissistic when I say this, but rather, that I am confident in myself.

I am 21 years old: hot, smart, outgoing, and a virgin.

I’ve dated. I’ve dated A LOT, but its never gotten past the 3 months mark. My longest relationship with a label lasted 3 months, and that was in 6th grade. Considering that, I am not desperate enough to count that as a “real” relationship.

I couldn’t tell you why this single life has been so consistent. My best friends are even bewildered by it. It just never works out. And because I have been single, I am still a virgin.

I’m not prude. I do love to have a good time! I mean I have been given the opportunity to lose it far too many times to different guys. I have denied each and every one because I have self-respect. I have chosen to remain a virgin because I choose to lose it to someone I actually have feelings for, but most importantly, someone that has mutual feelings back.

I won’t deny that I haven’t had the thought of losing it to a complete stranger. I’ve met some handsome gentlemen that have tempted me. Sometimes I even regret not having that one night stand in Vegas because I mean, you only live once, so live it up. I couldn’t bring myself to do it though. I want to have fun and sleep with different people and experience them, because it’s a natural thing our bodies do. I don’t want to only sleep with one person in my whole life.

I will say this though, when I started dating someone I really had feelings for last year, I was glad I had saved it for him. But in the end, I ended up not giving it to him either. I scared him away by defining myself with my virginity. How? My insecurities about my virginity were at their high. I was afraid guys would be scared by it or would think I was weird because It seemed like I was the only virgin left. My friend used to introduce me to her guy friends with, “This is Brielle. She’s a virgin.” It was part of me and who I was.

I let my virginity define me at one point in my life. That ruined a special relationship that I had with someone.

I complain about being a virgin to my best friends because I am jealous of them. I want to experience it.  I am also jealous that I don’t understand what its like to be in a relationship, but I always get over it. I do love being single the majority of the time, but it can be a burden that I am a virgin because I wouldn’t give up my virginity unless I was in a relationship.

I take pleasure in my purity though.

Some guys might be turned off by it or scared of it. They don’t want to taint the virgin, but trust me, I’ve already been tainted by life.

I will save my virginity for the gentleman that wants to accept my love and give me his love in return.

I have had the will power to say “no,” and people are always amazed at how I do it. It’s hard to say “no” to sex. Girls and guys get taken advantage of in these situations. It’s hard to deny sex when it’s right in front of you and feels so good. People lose their virginity to someone they don’t really want to and then regret it and feel insecure about themselves after. I know it’s tempting to just do it and get it over with, but think about it. You don’t want to wake up and regret it the next day. You want to be able to enjoy it and feel comfortable.

So what?

I am 21 years old: hot, smart, outgoing, and a virgin.

Some might say that’s sad. Some might say that’s amazing. Some guys might be freaked out. Some might be turned on by it.

But sex experience doesn’t define a person. So don’t let it define you.

Woman are the Bosses in the Bedroom. The Queens of Sex.


You were just a fXckboy, obviously.

You just wanted me to comfort you, and thats cool.

But I have the power to say no

I never expected anything. BUT now, I finally understand what it feels like to feel used.

I’m not upset about it. It’s just a feeling i’ve never felt before. And I think I was quite surprised by the total fXckboy attitude. You got what you wanted,then you left me in the bedroom, and I never saw you again. I’ve never had a guy act so abruptly horrible to a girl.

Maybe he couldn’t face his feelings ,since I heard you whine when you wanted more.

“You pretend like I don’t exist, but I still made you whimper like a lil bitch when you were about to cum.”-Instagram

I think boys freak out and run away because girls have an upper hand when it comes to sex. Women rule in the bedroom. It’s easier for girls to push away that desire of sex sometimes. (Not that we don’t want it) If we really wanted sex though, then we would get it.

But we have the power to say No

It was fun. But to get to the door, I had to walk through the living room filled with his roommates and I felt ashamed. Like I was being a whore, but that’s not fair. They have no right to judge me. Little do they know, I was the boss of that situation. I mean I had his manhood in the palm of my hand about 10 minutes ago. And you walk away from me as if you drunk and “accomplished.” No.

When guys leave the bedroom, they think they are all high and mighty and brag to their buddies about what happened. That actually downgrades a woman. He makes himself look as if he was in control in the bedroom and he “won”

So I walk out feeling as if I am getting judged because of his attitude toward me.

The sad thing was, that I even started judging myself..Worrying about what everyone thought of me. I shook that feeling very fast though.

Because I had the power to say No

I’ve known this for a long time, but I’ve never really been in a situation where it pertained to me. Guys are allowed to whore around, but girls have to feel ashamed about having a bit of fun. Women are judged because they are supposed to be classy. I have class, but that doesn’t mean I am not allowed to have fun sometimes. Marilyn Monroe was classy, and she was not innocent. 

I refuse to think negatively about myself because I wanted to have fun one night when I had a few drinks and needed some excitement.

I may have got left alone after he was done, which is totally horrible up and I don’t condone that behavior at all, however, I had control. I mean, he really didn’t get what he wanted.

The power to say “No” is the biggest power we as woman have.

I was and am the boss.

At Last,