Is Monogamy Lost?

Every time a boy hurts me, for a brief second, I lose faith in them. But naturally the cycle continues and I meet another one.

But this time there hasn’t been one particular boy that hurt me. This time it is just the continuous stories and situations I hear or find myself in that have brought me to my lowest point of faith in boys. 

cheaters.

All of my best friends ex’s, that perfect guy at work, the random guy from that party, my long time best friend, my family friend, and some might say even their parents. At this point it’s like asking, “who hasn’t cheated?” And at this point, I am starting to question whether monogamy is possible? 

At some point will they cheat on you?

If your relationship is built from love, that love is destined to fade, OR change. If your relationship is built from trust and partnership, don’t you believe that it will last? Partnership allows individuals to survive, whereas a love relationship allows uncertainty and is forever changing.

For my House of Cards fans, think Of Claire and Frank Underwoods relationship. Its pure trust, love, and partnership.

In a open relationship you have your person that is your partner who you can rely on to be there for you in need and who will help you survive throughout life. They bring you joy and happiness. You trust them completely and you also love them. But there are billions of other people in the world that bring you joy too. Wouldn’t we like to experience all of the people who give us joy?

Maybe we are looking at love and relationships too narrow-mindedly. As if it is ‘this way’ or the highway aka nothing.

I may be a hypocrite and may be speaking out of my ass. But to me, on paper or in words, it makes sense. As primates, we searched for a mate in order to survive and procreate. So maybe it is still like that? Maybe our instincts should focus on survival and partnership.

However, in the actually world, whether or not I could actually actively achieve my words is another story. But I have opened my mind to something new and a new way of thinking, which I think is deeply beneficial.

I have been heartbroken to see so many people,( people I believed to be good people) cheat. I want to protect myself.

Maybe it is the difference between and man and boy, or girl and woman. Or maybe its just human nature to cheat. So maybe being open in your relationship is a real option.

 

At Last,

Brielle

The Side-Chick

As a girlfriend, the thought of your boyfriend cheating on you is the worst thought ever. And I’m not here to make it better. To be honest, he told me he wanted to be with me.

Not your boyfriend exactly, but some girls boyfriends have told me that. I am always shocked because I don’t expect that. Trust me, I don’t venture out to destroy your life. I am aware and cautious of my actions when I know a boy is taken. But I am just there, and somehow he thinks its a good idea to hit on me, kiss me, or straight up ask me out.

This particular person, I had known for a while. He is sweet, good looking, funny and he has been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Heck, I even met his girlfriend. To me though, he was perfect. He was the type of person I would dream of marrying… so I thought.  And he would have been the VERY last person I would have believed to cheat, until he asked me to be his side chick.

I am not kidding you. Those words, “side-chick” were literally used in our conversation.

I was baffled, astounded, any word to explain being shocked. The guy that seemed SO perfect to me, had liked me? and wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me?

It seemed like a grand old plan sneaking around with a hot guy, who I actually really got along with well.

But in reality, I could never bring myself to sleep around with someone who would screw over his girlfriend like that. I know that I am 10 million times better than being a side chick. I know that I deserve to be in a relationship, and not the girl who only gets the sex and not the actual commitment. So I told him that. Since he thought I was such a “great and amazing girl”, I said I deserved more than the role of a side chick.

I realized through all this, it is not the first time this has happened to me. Guys have cheated on their girlfriends with me before.

I’m sure it makes you feel shitty and insecure. And not to undermine your feelings, but It makes me feel pretty shitty too.

Sure, I got unwanted attention from your boyfriend. But that awesome (or shitty) guy you are dating, doesn’t like me. I am just a “thing” that is desirable to him. I’m not the person he wants to be with. I am the “thing” that is missing in his relationship. I am just the spark of excitement that he wants back in his own life. I am a reflection of what he needs.

I am literally nothing to him but a thing.

If he loved me first, we might have been happily together at this moment. But you met him first, and he’s yours. I might agree he’s handsome and sweet, but in no way do I want to date a guy that isn’t mine.

We are worth a lot more than he might think. I know I am a great girl and I deserve to be more than just a side chick and to be more than just a “thing” that he wants for a few nights or weeks. And you deserve a guy that wont cheat on you. We are all better than that

The Casual Relationship of this Generation

Previously posted on Mogul also:

https://onmogul.com/stories/the-casual-relationship-of-this-generation


There are a lot of things that we all criticize about dating today. It mostly revolves around commitment issues. People love to blame their ex for their broken heart and blame them for the way they are. So because of their ex, they can’t commit.

I fail to believe that this is the case.

Your ex isn’t the reason you don’t want to commit. You just want the fun without the stressors of a relationship. I can’t say I blame you. Relationships are stressful, and who needs them when we are young and beautiful. We can have whoever we want for the night. But you are the one who ignores the angel on your shoulder, and the others who listen to the angel…

 

 

A few drinks in…The devil says sleep with them, while the angel wakes you up in his or her bed the next morning saying you want a relationship and a future with someone.

Then there are other people who ignore the angel on their shoulder and listen to the little devil telling them that casual sex is exciting. The devil whispers to them telling them to escape into an emotionless, non-committable abyss.

I guess in today’s society sleeping around with people is normal? Its something “cool” people do.

Interestingly enough though, sleeping with someone and then listening to the angel on your shoulder and inevitably being rejected, isn’t the hurtful part. What hurts is when all of the people around you tell you that you are better than that. Obviously your girl friends are obligated to tell you that you’re amazing. But when all of your guy friends and even male co-workers look you straight in the eye and start telling you that you better than that, and him/her, it hurts you. Are they telling you, you don’t have the right taste in guys or girls?

If I am “amazing” and “the perfect girl that any guy would be lucky to have you,” why is he just sleeping with me?

It baffles me. Many girls and guys around me are great people. They are beautiful, smart, and fun yet their “significant other” won’t commit.

Maybe its the difference between men/women and boys/girls. But even that I am unsure of.

Maybe you have to do the 5 date rule before you sleep with him or her. But even that…

Maybe you have to act like you don’t care so he or she can chase you. But isn’t that childish?

Or maybe he or she just isn’t the right one. But that’s the hopeless romantic talking, who believes that one day prince charming will show up in her life. Childish?

I cant help but find hope in these situations though.

You slept them, so big deal. It probably wasn’t that great right?  Well he or she is just to caught up in societies norms blaming their ex’s for their destruction and addiction to casual relationships. He or she wasn’t able to see you were special. And you know what? That should make you want to show him or her and the rest of them that you are indestructible and you’re are going to be successful.  Show them all that you are a boss in your own life. Make those people that never saw your worth, regret not opening their eyes. Go make lots of money. Become a CEO of your future company or whatever you want in life. Be you and be happy.

At Last,

Brielle

The Truth About How You Become A Strong Woman After Heartbreak

Another one by me. Enjoy.

As read on Thought Catalog

http://tcat.tc/2eGep2K

 

Pride is stubborn. It refuses to let you understand your feelings. Some people have little pride and some people have a lot. Pride shows in different ways.  It can show in your pride to be right, your pride to work well, or your pride to love.

I have a lot of pride for being an independent person.

At that time I wouldn’t admit I was heartbroken. I tried to act like everything was ok, because what else are you supposed to do? People hurt you and you have to move on, but because I acted like I was fine on the outside and ignored what was inside of me and I started to deteriorate.

“I was fine,” I kept telling myself. Except I hadn’t been healthy for over 6 months.

I kept telling myself that I was “unlucky,” that I was continuously getting sick.

“I was fine.” I was getting sleep at night. I was laughing. I was eating healthy.

I wasn’t though.

My first true heartbreak fucked me up in every way possible.

I cried myself into a kidney infection. I continuously got colds. I suffered from a TMJ, which is built up stress in your jaw. I thought I was fine and healthy until I went to the dentist and nearly fainted. He told me my body couldn’t handle the stress.

I walked out of the dentist wondering why I was so overwhelmed. I was fine, so why was I sick and stressed?

Was it school? Was it work? Was it partying too much?

Although I’m sure they all played a part to the bigger picture, I had realized that I had been so upset because I was holding on to a relationship that just continuously hurt me.

I refused to admit to myself that a childish boy, who didn’t see my worth, broke me a million times again and again.

I refuse to admit that I was sick because I have always been a strong, independent woman, but I realized something.

You can’t be a strong, independent, and a healthy woman without being broken at least a few times.

Maybe this is cheesy, but take for instance, your immune system. You have to get sick so that you can build up your system. That way you are stronger for whatever the future might bring.

Just like your immune system, your heart has to endure heartbreak so that it can grow stronger for the next relationship.

I can’t say that being broken so many times will make the next heartbreak hurt less. It might hurt more. It’s the inevitable consequence or risk of sharing your heart with another. But at least maybe the next time you might handle yourself with more dignity or composure, or just willingness to understand you partner. Experience changes you. Sometimes it can hurt to morph into something new but things change to only improve ones life.

To Forget You First Must Forgive

 

“Forgive and forget.”

I never really thought much of the cliché saying. I had heard it in songs and movies over and over again, and yet, I could never grasp the idea.

How could you forgive someone that brought you so much pain?

But it just so happened that one night, as my imagination was running free, I finally understood that famous saying. It took me 6 months, but my vivid imagination led me to discover the method on how to let him go. So let me tell you my secret.

We fought and disagreed even after our break up. I was frustrated out of my mind, and we weren’t communicating. Conversations (those things that help people communicate) didn’t help us to salvage our relationship. Our texts just made it all worse. We should of just left it, but we didn’t. I was so frustrated and hurt that I lost all communication skills I had ever learned. I resorted to anger and unneeded snarky comments to deal with the pain. And he just shut off. I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting. That’s not who I am though. I hate to fight and argue. Especially when it only brings pain.

It finally all ended.

I thought that not talking would help me part ways with him. I thought that deleting him on social media would help. I thought that getting drunk almost every night might ease the pain. I came to realize that none of those methods fixed my broken heart.

After all this, for months after, I held onto this person and I can tell you why.

My snarky comments still resided inside me. I was still bitter and upset about what had happened and that was causing me to hold on to him. I had forgiven him for the choice he made to end our relationship. I respected that decision in the end.But I hadn’t forgiven him for hurting me as a result of not knowing what he wanted. I also didn’t forgive him for moving on. Because I was stuck to pick up the pieces by myself.

 

That night when my imagination was running free, I realized that if I ever saw him again or if he ever attempted to talk to me again, I would only have mean and angry words to say to him. I would pick up right where we left off. Reiterating the same comments. Why though? That would put us right back where we were before.

“To forget, you must forgive.”

Not that I planned on seeing or talking to this person again, but I needed to forgive him.

It’s a simple concept, but not easy to do.

It took me more than 6 months to understand how to forgive a boy that basically broke me like no one had before. And even still I can’t say I completely forgive him. I am working on it. It takes time. But I was done spending everyday reminiscing about what had happened and what went wrong.

You can’t remove yourself from a situation while your emotions are racing and on fire. You can’t evaluate your relationship until you have taken the time to understand it. Back then, I may have believed I had taken myself out of the upsetting situation, but I hadn’t. Removing myself from the war between us took me more than 8 months.

I was falling in love with someone and they hurt me. Sure. I won’t trust him or love him the same way ever again, but I can forgive him for the sake of myself.

If I ever talk to him again, I would throw away my pride for that one-minute and say, “I’m sorry.”

I wouldn’t expect anything in return, because in the end, at least I know I was the bigger person and I learned something for myself.

So What, I am 2o-Something and a Virgin?

“Previously published by Thought Catalog at http://www.thoughtcatalog.com.”

http://thoughtcatalog.com/brielle-mroczko/2016/06/im-20-something-virgin-and-that-is-frankly-the-least-interesting-part-about-me/

I have been sending in some of my articles to Thought Catalog. Here is one :]


Don’t think I am narcissistic when I say this, but rather, that I am confident in myself.

I am 21 years old: hot, smart, outgoing, and a virgin.

I’ve dated. I’ve dated A LOT, but its never gotten past the 3 months mark. My longest relationship with a label lasted 3 months, and that was in 6th grade. Considering that, I am not desperate enough to count that as a “real” relationship.

I couldn’t tell you why this single life has been so consistent. My best friends are even bewildered by it. It just never works out. And because I have been single, I am still a virgin.

I’m not prude. I do love to have a good time! I mean I have been given the opportunity to lose it far too many times to different guys. I have denied each and every one because I have self-respect. I have chosen to remain a virgin because I choose to lose it to someone I actually have feelings for, but most importantly, someone that has mutual feelings back.

I won’t deny that I haven’t had the thought of losing it to a complete stranger. I’ve met some handsome gentlemen that have tempted me. Sometimes I even regret not having that one night stand in Vegas because I mean, you only live once, so live it up. I couldn’t bring myself to do it though. I want to have fun and sleep with different people and experience them, because it’s a natural thing our bodies do. I don’t want to only sleep with one person in my whole life.

I will say this though, when I started dating someone I really had feelings for last year, I was glad I had saved it for him. But in the end, I ended up not giving it to him either. I scared him away by defining myself with my virginity. How? My insecurities about my virginity were at their high. I was afraid guys would be scared by it or would think I was weird because It seemed like I was the only virgin left. My friend used to introduce me to her guy friends with, “This is Brielle. She’s a virgin.” It was part of me and who I was.

I let my virginity define me at one point in my life. That ruined a special relationship that I had with someone.

I complain about being a virgin to my best friends because I am jealous of them. I want to experience it.  I am also jealous that I don’t understand what its like to be in a relationship, but I always get over it. I do love being single the majority of the time, but it can be a burden that I am a virgin because I wouldn’t give up my virginity unless I was in a relationship.

I take pleasure in my purity though.

Some guys might be turned off by it or scared of it. They don’t want to taint the virgin, but trust me, I’ve already been tainted by life.

I will save my virginity for the gentleman that wants to accept my love and give me his love in return.

I have had the will power to say “no,” and people are always amazed at how I do it. It’s hard to say “no” to sex. Girls and guys get taken advantage of in these situations. It’s hard to deny sex when it’s right in front of you and feels so good. People lose their virginity to someone they don’t really want to and then regret it and feel insecure about themselves after. I know it’s tempting to just do it and get it over with, but think about it. You don’t want to wake up and regret it the next day. You want to be able to enjoy it and feel comfortable.

So what?

I am 21 years old: hot, smart, outgoing, and a virgin.

Some might say that’s sad. Some might say that’s amazing. Some guys might be freaked out. Some might be turned on by it.

But sex experience doesn’t define a person. So don’t let it define you.

Why Do They Lead Us On?

IMG_8543

I wrote a blog last year about reading the signs in a relationship. Although all the signs that person is committed are present in the relationship, it doesn’t always mean that they are really committed to you.

For myself when I go through hard times, I’ll mass read blogs.

I read a lot last year.

A lot would make claims such as…. “if they make future plans with you, they are committed.”

Or “if they meet your parents, it means they are committed.”

But honestly, all of that that doesn’t mean anything.

In retrospect, you will never know if they are committed.

Sometimes they just lead you on.

I’d like to think people are more human than to do it purposely, but people surprise me. And I’ve come to my own conclusion. There are two reasons why they would do such a thing…

Reason One:

They love the attention. They like to have you around because you give them what they want. They don’t have to fight for a reply from you. Most likely you are sitting by your phone waiting for their text. They love that you happen to be conveniently there. Maybe it’s for a good fuck or for a compliment that they have been wanting. Or they just love the idea of someone being goggly eyed over them.

Reason Two:

They love being around you, but they cant be with you. Whether its because of distance or some insecurity they might have; they continually lead you on because they don’t know what they want. This is the worst. Because they love you and treat you just like they would treat their significant other. They commit to you in one way, but refuse to commit to a relationship with you. In the end, both of you have wasted your time and energy on a relationship that was never going to go places.

If someone is honest with their feelings, then a person has no excuse to lead another person on. If someone doesn’t know what they want, then honestly they need to figure out their life before they bring someone else into it, because it will only be a shit show for the both of you.

 

At Last,

Brielle