Find Yourself

As I turned to adulthood, I thought to myself, that as we “adult”, we slowly ween off of our friends and nestle next to our future career and future life, possibly with a significant other.

We grow apart from our friends, as ourselves or our friends get married and start their own lives together.

I have always been independent. I have been someone who enjoys spending time with myself.  So when moving away, the last thing I thought about was losing friends and having to make new ones. I didn’t think that for the first time in my life, I wouldn’t have clubs and school as a way to make friends. I was on my own.

And not just make friends, But best-friends. People that are my “go-to” for everything. People who I never get sick of.

And(physically speaking) I lost those people.They are all on the west coast bathing in sunshine while I am watching the snow fall.

Left with no friends on the east coast, I made a wrong decision of turning to dating as a way to open up my social network.

Silly me.

It was my solution to having a “go- to” person and filling that void of loneliness. It also played into the idea that after college, people aren’t focused on my friends anymore but rather spending time with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I thought it was time to “settle down.”

I had high expectations and assumptions and they were all terribly wrong. 

After a bit of dating,  I met a great guy. But instead of it opening it up my network, it more of just limited me to my significant other. Sure, I met some people through him, but nothing ever flourish because I relied on him so much.

It’s not something that became unnoticed. I realized I was dependent on this one person. I definitely felt insecure about it. But it was really hard for me to do anything about it because I wanted him by my side.

It became a huge fear that if he were to rip the carpet out from under me and leave, I would be lost. 

Unfortunately the fear became reality. I did loose my only “go-to” person on the east coast. And it sucks.

Then again, its was probably the best thing for me. It kicked me in the butt to step out of my comfort zone more than I ever have.

I got another job that I had been debating about getting for months.

I joined a sports league that I wanted join but didn’t want to do it alone before.

I made new friends in super random places.

I learned how to maneuver around this new city that is now home.

And I pushed myself to go on dates with people because why not? Best way to get over a hangover is to drink more. Best way to get over someone is to date again.  Remember that there are plenty of other people out there that think you are a hottie!

I did this all in less than 3 weeks. 

Sure, I am positive I experienced an anxiety attack for the first time from all the change, but the dust settled and I realized that from this break up I became a better person. I realized that I needed to find my place in this new town by myself and through my own courage rather than with someone else by my side.

 

People always say after something bad happens you need to look at what you learned from the experience. It took me a few weeks to see what I learned.

Funny thing is, I was searching for something in my relationship.  The lessons of what not to do in my next relationship or what kind of guys not to date in the future. I didn’t learn anything about relationships though, I learned things about myself and life.

I have been told this so many times, but I never understood it until now.

A person can’t fix your life and give you the things you are missing, you have to fix it yourself.

And sometimes you need to be single and alone to be able to do that.

At Last,

Brielle

Ironically as I was trying to title this blog ..”Finding ‘something‘, this song came on. Figured it was fate to name it after this. Songs pretty relevant as well.

 

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10 Things I’ve Learned Since Being Single and Why It Can Be Amazing

I blame all those Korean dramas and rom-com’s for making me believe in perfection…but I am happy as the independent women! Being single can be so awesome and it can suck sometimes. I feel like a lot of people look down on being single, but honestly, its amazing. I have learned a lot being on my own!
It has been enlightening to me, so here are the things I have learned so far as a single girl.

  1. I have discovered myself. I know what I want to do now and have found the right path for me. I discovered a career path and how much I actually love school.

  2. I can do and travel where ever I want by myself. I can live in a different country without my significant other holding me back.

  3. I have trouble understanding my friends and their relationships because I am single. I am also slightly biased to being single.

  4. Relationships take too much thought and thinking. I do enough of that as a college student, thank you, but no thank you.

  5. School is so much easier when you don’t have boys or girls on your mind.

  6. No matter how many years you have on “the boyfriend,” the best friend will always be placed second. Its a truth I still have a hard time accepting. “Chicks before dicks” and “Bro’s before ho’s” is not a real thing (Most of the time!).

  7. Being the third wheel sucks and is awkward, but yet you always get stuck as the third wheel, because you love your friends.

  8.  And everyone tells me that I am single because I am so picky, but F*** that. I have every right to be picky, and I am glad that I am picky. Because I won’t settle for a guy I kind of like. I want a guy I really like. :]]

  9. I have a perfect image in my head of love and I know its not going to be like that, but I am hopelessly waiting for it.

  10. Once I threw boys out of my life, I found happiness. True happiness. I can’t emphasis this enough. Without guys I found what I wanted and what was going to make me happy. Which doesn’t mean I want boys out of my life forever, but some time without them was needed.

So my advice. Find yourself before you find a life with someone else.

And yes, every relationship is different and this may not always be true, but its a good start if you don’t know where you want to go in life. So pack your bags and head to a different country, or enroll in a cool class, or talk about your future with others. Then you will realize what it is you want.

The Life as the Third Wheeler can be pretty awesome.

At Last,

<Brielle