As I turned to adulthood, I thought to myself, that as we “adult”, we slowly ween off of our friends and nestle next to our future career and future life, possibly with a significant other.
We grow apart from our friends, as ourselves or our friends get married and start their own lives together.
I have always been independent. I have been someone who enjoys spending time with myself. So when moving away, the last thing I thought about was losing friends and having to make new ones. I didn’t think that for the first time in my life, I wouldn’t have clubs and school as a way to make friends. I was on my own.
And not just make friends, But best-friends. People that are my “go-to” for everything. People who I never get sick of.
And(physically speaking) I lost those people.They are all on the west coast bathing in sunshine while I am watching the snow fall.
Left with no friends on the east coast, I made a wrong decision of turning to dating as a way to open up my social network.
It was my solution to having a “go- to” person and filling that void of loneliness. It also played into the idea that after college, people aren’t focused on my friends anymore but rather spending time with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I thought it was time to “settle down.”
I had high expectations and assumptions and they were all terribly wrong.
After a bit of dating, I met a great guy. But instead of it opening it up my network, it more of just limited me to my significant other. Sure, I met some people through him, but nothing ever flourish because I relied on him so much.
It’s not something that became unnoticed. I realized I was dependent on this one person. I definitely felt insecure about it. But it was really hard for me to do anything about it because I wanted him by my side.
It became a huge fear that if he were to rip the carpet out from under me and leave, I would be lost.
Unfortunately the fear became reality. I did loose my only “go-to” person on the east coast. And it sucks.
Then again, its was probably the best thing for me. It kicked me in the butt to step out of my comfort zone more than I ever have.
I got another job that I had been debating about getting for months.
I joined a sports league that I wanted join but didn’t want to do it alone before.
I made new friends in super random places.
I learned how to maneuver around this new city that is now home.
And I pushed myself to go on dates with people because why not? Best way to get over a hangover is to drink more. Best way to get over someone is to date again. Remember that there are plenty of other people out there that think you are a hottie!
I did this all in less than 3 weeks.
Sure, I am positive I experienced an anxiety attack for the first time from all the change, but the dust settled and I realized that from this break up I became a better person. I realized that I needed to find my place in this new town by myself and through my own courage rather than with someone else by my side.
People always say after something bad happens you need to look at what you learned from the experience. It took me a few weeks to see what I learned.
Funny thing is, I was searching for something in my relationship. The lessons of what not to do in my next relationship or what kind of guys not to date in the future. I didn’t learn anything about relationships though, I learned things about myself and life.
I have been told this so many times, but I never understood it until now.
A person can’t fix your life and give you the things you are missing, you have to fix it yourself.
And sometimes you need to be single and alone to be able to do that.
Ironically as I was trying to title this blog ..”Finding ‘something‘, this song came on. Figured it was fate to name it after this. Songs pretty relevant as well.