To Forget You First Must Forgive

 

“Forgive and forget.”

I never really thought much of the cliché saying. I had heard it in songs and movies over and over again, and yet, I could never grasp the idea.

How could you forgive someone that brought you so much pain?

But it just so happened that one night, as my imagination was running free, I finally understood that famous saying. It took me 6 months, but my vivid imagination led me to discover the method on how to let him go. So let me tell you my secret.

We fought and disagreed even after our break up. I was frustrated out of my mind, and we weren’t communicating. Conversations (those things that help people communicate) didn’t help us to salvage our relationship. Our texts just made it all worse. We should of just left it, but we didn’t. I was so frustrated and hurt that I lost all communication skills I had ever learned. I resorted to anger and unneeded snarky comments to deal with the pain. And he just shut off. I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting. That’s not who I am though. I hate to fight and argue. Especially when it only brings pain.

It finally all ended.

I thought that not talking would help me part ways with him. I thought that deleting him on social media would help. I thought that getting drunk almost every night might ease the pain. I came to realize that none of those methods fixed my broken heart.

After all this, for months after, I held onto this person and I can tell you why.

My snarky comments still resided inside me. I was still bitter and upset about what had happened and that was causing me to hold on to him. I had forgiven him for the choice he made to end our relationship. I respected that decision in the end.But I hadn’t forgiven him for hurting me as a result of not knowing what he wanted. I also didn’t forgive him for moving on. Because I was stuck to pick up the pieces by myself.

 

That night when my imagination was running free, I realized that if I ever saw him again or if he ever attempted to talk to me again, I would only have mean and angry words to say to him. I would pick up right where we left off. Reiterating the same comments. Why though? That would put us right back where we were before.

“To forget, you must forgive.”

Not that I planned on seeing or talking to this person again, but I needed to forgive him.

It’s a simple concept, but not easy to do.

It took me more than 6 months to understand how to forgive a boy that basically broke me like no one had before. And even still I can’t say I completely forgive him. I am working on it. It takes time. But I was done spending everyday reminiscing about what had happened and what went wrong.

You can’t remove yourself from a situation while your emotions are racing and on fire. You can’t evaluate your relationship until you have taken the time to understand it. Back then, I may have believed I had taken myself out of the upsetting situation, but I hadn’t. Removing myself from the war between us took me more than 8 months.

I was falling in love with someone and they hurt me. Sure. I won’t trust him or love him the same way ever again, but I can forgive him for the sake of myself.

If I ever talk to him again, I would throw away my pride for that one-minute and say, “I’m sorry.”

I wouldn’t expect anything in return, because in the end, at least I know I was the bigger person and I learned something for myself.

A Failed Attempt at Being a Player

After a break up, its hard to believe you will find someone else. You constantly recollect the memories you had with your last fling or lover. You constantly think about all the amazing traits they possessed. At this point, getting back into the dating game sounds dreadful.

For myself, I went from being sad>>> to being relieved that it was over>>> into a rebellious stage.

I wanted to dye my hair some drastic new colors and become a player. I wanted to hang out with lots of guys but not get serious with any of them. I wanted to become a player, because in my mind being a good person and respectful to guys’ feelings only hurt me in the end, so why not? Besides, at that moment, there was no one that came to par with the last guy I was with. Most of all, I didn’t want to get attached or hurt again.

  • I did dye my hair, 3 times. It never came out drastic. My hair rejected drastic change.  I think that was a sign that the player life wasn’t for me.
  • I went out and partied every weekend and didn’t meet anyone that I could even potentially be romantic with, because I would automatically friend zone every guy I met.
  • Honestly though,that player life just wasn’t cut out for me, because I fall to hard anyway.
  • I tried to be a player, but I actually think I got less game with that mentality.

Instead, I met the group of people who would pick me up out of my deep hole of thoughts that I had buried myself in.

They helped me part ways with my previously troublesome relationship. They helped me see the light and my worth. And they probably don’t know this either.

But they saved me from those little thoughts that were swarming in the back of my mind about my ex “fling.”


 

After a while, you will come to terms with yourself and force yourself to move on. You have too. You will go through your depressed stage, then the rebellious stage, then find your happy medium. Then you just might find someone who is way better than the last guy, and you will be overwhelmed with those feelings. You wont know what to do. You will have forgotten what it feels like to have feelings and to go through the childish “I like you,””Do you like me?” game.

Once you are back at your happy medium, you will be so desperate to get that love back and replace it, that you jump on the first guy that you actually see a possibility of being with (or the first guy you don’t friend zone)

This probably means you aren’t ready. If you think you need that love, then you aren’t ready. Find love within yourself again first.

You’ll either be the person who runs toward the next relationship or the person who runs away from it. Either way take it slow and give it time.

However,don’t shy away from someone because you are scared. I realize  the idea of actually getting with someone or getting attached again is AWFUL to most people, but its going to happen at some point.

Don’t push it though.If you aren’t ready then you aren’t ready.

TIME is all you need.

At Last,

Brielle

Btw I’m grateful to the fam. :]

 

Music that fits the moods

 

Distance and Time Does Not Define Our Relationship

I totally apologize for the semi-depressing post. A girl needs a few once in a while though.  :]


I run towards long distance relationships.

Yes, the sentence is correct in every single way possible. I am attracted to distance. I don’t exactly know why, but I assume it is because I am not ready to make a complete commitment to someone. I am scared. I also hate the idea of having to get to know someone through the rigorous act of “dating.”

Distance is just comfortable. You get to know someone from afar. Over text messaging, facetiming, and phone calls.

I have tried the long distance thing a few times. They were never complete “relationships”, we were just “talking” or “dating” you could say. One particular person still dwells in my mind.

He was my prince charming. Oddly enough, we met on Tinder, and he lived 5,000+ miles away. He was my idealistic guy. Maybe I just idealized him.  But in any case, he was special. He took me by surprise and swept me off my feet.

Unfortunately or obviously,

He hurt me.

He let me down.

I lost trust in him.

We had only talked for 3 months. We’d talked about doing long distance and he bought a ticket to come see me. He didn’t pull through and none of that happened.

There has been something that I have learned from this though!

Distance and the amount of time you have been together does not define your relationship.

Someone might ask me, “How long have you known each other?”

“3 months.” I reply.

I feel like someone might judge me for saying that, as if 3 months is an insignificant amount of time. And that I had never met him face to face, so they assume it will be easy for me to move on.

No.

I’ve known people to be in 3+ year relationships, but they walk away from their partner without any heartbreak. Time doesn’t matter.

You could be with someone for years and not experience the happiness you might spend with someone for a night or even 3 months. You might never see someone, but when you are sharing the details of your everyday life with that person, EVERYDAY, and you develop a special relationship with them.

I might not have ever met this person for real or have I known him for years, but he is still kind of sort of special to me. :] I walk away from our relationship knowing that we were good together, but were never able to stay together. The future does not calculate certain people in. Our futures did not make room for either of us. Maybe one day, destiny or fate (if I believed in that) might bring us back to each others lives. But today we are in our own corners of the world living our own lives.

I’m sad I lost a friend, but I am happy. I am young, beautiful, and smart. Any boy would be lucky to have me by his side. I want to travel the world, kiss lots of boys, drink lots of alcohol, and take lots of chances. 

So I’ll just escape. Pack my bags and head out. Bye Felicia.

At Last,

Brielle