He’s Insecure Too

Despite their arrogance and confidence men are insecure.

Of course everyone has their insecurities and are scared in some way. However, for men I find that their insecurities are what leads them to sleep around.

Men’s confidence had always had me believing that they were content with themselves. I finally realize that I have been lied to. I mean I think we all can agree that sex is intimidating putting yourself out there, all naked and vulnerable. You need some sense of confidence, but men don’t sleep around because they are confident. Rather its because they are insecure.

Men have insecurities and in order for them to gain affirmation they look to sex.

So for men, instead of looking for affirmation through words like “you aren’t fat” or “you are beautiful in that tux.” Men look for that affirmation via sex.

Sex allows men to connect with their dominate self and feel powerful. It lets them feel confident, and through a powerful means hear the words, or groans of a women, enjoying their company.

Women also gain confidence and confirmation from sex, but I think men rely on it more. And it could be one of the reasons men take so much pride in their bedroom abilities. It gives them confidence.

For many of us, we feel least confident after a break up.

Both sexes need assurance in themselves after ending a relationship, and many women find it through sex. But less often is it women that use sex for their confidence boost compared to men.
For instance, when a man breaks up with their significant other they tend to be a bit rebellious. While some women heal by reflecting and slowly regaining their confidence, men go out and sleep around.


Women are open about their insecurities because we are allowed to be. Society allows women to moan and groan about their thigh gaps and waist lines. Whereas for men, society tells you to shut up because you are a guy and you have to be confident. Or maybe its women that don’t like to hear about a mans insecurities because it makes them look weak. I believe both sexes put the idea of men vocalizing their insecurities down. Therefore, society doesn’t want to hear it.

I can’t say I am an expert on men or that this relates to every man out there. But I can tell you as human beings, all we want and need is love. We just want to hear words that affirm our worth. No matter the means


At Last,





The Side-Chick

As a girlfriend, the thought of your boyfriend cheating on you is the worst thought ever. And I’m not here to make it better. To be honest, he told me he wanted to be with me.

Not your boyfriend exactly, but some girls boyfriends have told me that. I am always shocked because I don’t expect that. Trust me, I don’t venture out to destroy your life. I am aware and cautious of my actions when I know a boy is taken. But I am just there, and somehow he thinks its a good idea to hit on me, kiss me, or straight up ask me out.

This particular person, I had known for a while. He is sweet, good looking, funny and he has been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Heck, I even met his girlfriend. To me though, he was perfect. He was the type of person I would dream of marrying… so I thought.  And he would have been the VERY last person I would have believed to cheat, until he asked me to be his side chick.

I am not kidding you. Those words, “side-chick” were literally used in our conversation.

I was baffled, astounded, any word to explain being shocked. The guy that seemed SO perfect to me, had liked me? and wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me?

It seemed like a grand old plan sneaking around with a hot guy, who I actually really got along with well.

But in reality, I could never bring myself to sleep around with someone who would screw over his girlfriend like that. I know that I am 10 million times better than being a side chick. I know that I deserve to be in a relationship, and not the girl who only gets the sex and not the actual commitment. So I told him that. Since he thought I was such a “great and amazing girl”, I said I deserved more than the role of a side chick.

I realized through all this, it is not the first time this has happened to me. Guys have cheated on their girlfriends with me before.

I’m sure it makes you feel shitty and insecure. And not to undermine your feelings, but It makes me feel pretty shitty too.

Sure, I got unwanted attention from your boyfriend. But that awesome (or shitty) guy you are dating, doesn’t like me. I am just a “thing” that is desirable to him. I’m not the person he wants to be with. I am the “thing” that is missing in his relationship. I am just the spark of excitement that he wants back in his own life. I am a reflection of what he needs.

I am literally nothing to him but a thing.

If he loved me first, we might have been happily together at this moment. But you met him first, and he’s yours. I might agree he’s handsome and sweet, but in no way do I want to date a guy that isn’t mine.

We are worth a lot more than he might think. I know I am a great girl and I deserve to be more than just a side chick and to be more than just a “thing” that he wants for a few nights or weeks. And you deserve a guy that wont cheat on you. We are all better than that

The Casual Relationship of this Generation

Previously posted on Mogul also:


There are a lot of things that we all criticize about dating today. It mostly revolves around commitment issues. People love to blame their ex for their broken heart and blame them for the way they are. So because of their ex, they can’t commit.

I fail to believe that this is the case.

Your ex isn’t the reason you don’t want to commit. You just want the fun without the stressors of a relationship. I can’t say I blame you. Relationships are stressful, and who needs them when we are young and beautiful. We can have whoever we want for the night. But you are the one who ignores the angel on your shoulder, and the others who listen to the angel…



A few drinks in…The devil says sleep with them, while the angel wakes you up in his or her bed the next morning saying you want a relationship and a future with someone.

Then there are other people who ignore the angel on their shoulder and listen to the little devil telling them that casual sex is exciting. The devil whispers to them telling them to escape into an emotionless, non-committable abyss.

I guess in today’s society sleeping around with people is normal? Its something “cool” people do.

Interestingly enough though, sleeping with someone and then listening to the angel on your shoulder and inevitably being rejected, isn’t the hurtful part. What hurts is when all of the people around you tell you that you are better than that. Obviously your girl friends are obligated to tell you that you’re amazing. But when all of your guy friends and even male co-workers look you straight in the eye and start telling you that you better than that, and him/her, it hurts you. Are they telling you, you don’t have the right taste in guys or girls?

If I am “amazing” and “the perfect girl that any guy would be lucky to have you,” why is he just sleeping with me?

It baffles me. Many girls and guys around me are great people. They are beautiful, smart, and fun yet their “significant other” won’t commit.

Maybe its the difference between men/women and boys/girls. But even that I am unsure of.

Maybe you have to do the 5 date rule before you sleep with him or her. But even that…

Maybe you have to act like you don’t care so he or she can chase you. But isn’t that childish?

Or maybe he or she just isn’t the right one. But that’s the hopeless romantic talking, who believes that one day prince charming will show up in her life. Childish?

I cant help but find hope in these situations though.

You slept them, so big deal. It probably wasn’t that great right?  Well he or she is just to caught up in societies norms blaming their ex’s for their destruction and addiction to casual relationships. He or she wasn’t able to see you were special. And you know what? That should make you want to show him or her and the rest of them that you are indestructible and you’re are going to be successful.  Show them all that you are a boss in your own life. Make those people that never saw your worth, regret not opening their eyes. Go make lots of money. Become a CEO of your future company or whatever you want in life. Be you and be happy.

At Last,


Why Do They Lead Us On?


I wrote a blog last year about reading the signs in a relationship. Although all the signs that person is committed are present in the relationship, it doesn’t always mean that they are really committed to you.

For myself when I go through hard times, I’ll mass read blogs.

I read a lot last year.

A lot would make claims such as…. “if they make future plans with you, they are committed.”

Or “if they meet your parents, it means they are committed.”

But honestly, all of that that doesn’t mean anything.

In retrospect, you will never know if they are committed.

Sometimes they just lead you on.

I’d like to think people are more human than to do it purposely, but people surprise me. And I’ve come to my own conclusion. There are two reasons why they would do such a thing…

Reason One:

They love the attention. They like to have you around because you give them what they want. They don’t have to fight for a reply from you. Most likely you are sitting by your phone waiting for their text. They love that you happen to be conveniently there. Maybe it’s for a good fuck or for a compliment that they have been wanting. Or they just love the idea of someone being goggly eyed over them.

Reason Two:

They love being around you, but they cant be with you. Whether its because of distance or some insecurity they might have; they continually lead you on because they don’t know what they want. This is the worst. Because they love you and treat you just like they would treat their significant other. They commit to you in one way, but refuse to commit to a relationship with you. In the end, both of you have wasted your time and energy on a relationship that was never going to go places.

If someone is honest with their feelings, then a person has no excuse to lead another person on. If someone doesn’t know what they want, then honestly they need to figure out their life before they bring someone else into it, because it will only be a shit show for the both of you.


At Last,



Woman are the Bosses in the Bedroom. The Queens of Sex.


You were just a fXckboy, obviously.

You just wanted me to comfort you, and thats cool.

But I have the power to say no

I never expected anything. BUT now, I finally understand what it feels like to feel used.

I’m not upset about it. It’s just a feeling i’ve never felt before. And I think I was quite surprised by the total fXckboy attitude. You got what you wanted,then you left me in the bedroom, and I never saw you again. I’ve never had a guy act so abruptly horrible to a girl.

Maybe he couldn’t face his feelings ,since I heard you whine when you wanted more.

“You pretend like I don’t exist, but I still made you whimper like a lil bitch when you were about to cum.”-Instagram

I think boys freak out and run away because girls have an upper hand when it comes to sex. Women rule in the bedroom. It’s easier for girls to push away that desire of sex sometimes. (Not that we don’t want it) If we really wanted sex though, then we would get it.

But we have the power to say No

It was fun. But to get to the door, I had to walk through the living room filled with his roommates and I felt ashamed. Like I was being a whore, but that’s not fair. They have no right to judge me. Little do they know, I was the boss of that situation. I mean I had his manhood in the palm of my hand about 10 minutes ago. And you walk away from me as if you drunk and “accomplished.” No.

When guys leave the bedroom, they think they are all high and mighty and brag to their buddies about what happened. That actually downgrades a woman. He makes himself look as if he was in control in the bedroom and he “won”

So I walk out feeling as if I am getting judged because of his attitude toward me.

The sad thing was, that I even started judging myself..Worrying about what everyone thought of me. I shook that feeling very fast though.

Because I had the power to say No

I’ve known this for a long time, but I’ve never really been in a situation where it pertained to me. Guys are allowed to whore around, but girls have to feel ashamed about having a bit of fun. Women are judged because they are supposed to be classy. I have class, but that doesn’t mean I am not allowed to have fun sometimes. Marilyn Monroe was classy, and she was not innocent. 

I refuse to think negatively about myself because I wanted to have fun one night when I had a few drinks and needed some excitement.

I may have got left alone after he was done, which is totally horrible up and I don’t condone that behavior at all, however, I had control. I mean, he really didn’t get what he wanted.

The power to say “No” is the biggest power we as woman have.

I was and am the boss.

At Last,