He’s Insecure Too

Despite their arrogance and confidence men are insecure.

Of course everyone has their insecurities and are scared in some way. However, for men I find that their insecurities are what leads them to sleep around.

Men’s confidence had always had me believing that they were content with themselves. I finally realize that I have been lied to. I mean I think we all can agree that sex is intimidating putting yourself out there, all naked and vulnerable. You need some sense of confidence, but men don’t sleep around because they are confident. Rather its because they are insecure.

Men have insecurities and in order for them to gain affirmation they look to sex.

So for men, instead of looking for affirmation through words like “you aren’t fat” or “you are beautiful in that tux.” Men look for that affirmation via sex.

Sex allows men to connect with their dominate self and feel powerful. It lets them feel confident, and through a powerful means hear the words, or groans of a women, enjoying their company.

Women also gain confidence and confirmation from sex, but I think men rely on it more. And it could be one of the reasons men take so much pride in their bedroom abilities. It gives them confidence.

For many of us, we feel least confident after a break up.

Both sexes need assurance in themselves after ending a relationship, and many women find it through sex. But less often is it women that use sex for their confidence boost compared to men.
For instance, when a man breaks up with their significant other they tend to be a bit rebellious. While some women heal by reflecting and slowly regaining their confidence, men go out and sleep around.

 

Women are open about their insecurities because we are allowed to be. Society allows women to moan and groan about their thigh gaps and waist lines. Whereas for men, society tells you to shut up because you are a guy and you have to be confident. Or maybe its women that don’t like to hear about a mans insecurities because it makes them look weak. I believe both sexes put the idea of men vocalizing their insecurities down. Therefore, society doesn’t want to hear it.

I can’t say I am an expert on men or that this relates to every man out there. But I can tell you as human beings, all we want and need is love. We just want to hear words that affirm our worth. No matter the means

 

At Last,
Brielle

 

 

 

Advertisements

Is Monogamy Lost?

Every time a boy hurts me, for a brief second, I lose faith in them. But naturally the cycle continues and I meet another one.

But this time there hasn’t been one particular boy that hurt me. This time it is just the continuous stories and situations I hear or find myself in that have brought me to my lowest point of faith in boys. 

cheaters.

All of my best friends ex’s, that perfect guy at work, the random guy from that party, my long time best friend, my family friend, and some might say even their parents. At this point it’s like asking, “who hasn’t cheated?” And at this point, I am starting to question whether monogamy is possible? 

At some point will they cheat on you?

If your relationship is built from love, that love is destined to fade, OR change. If your relationship is built from trust and partnership, don’t you believe that it will last? Partnership allows individuals to survive, whereas a love relationship allows uncertainty and is forever changing.

For my House of Cards fans, think Of Claire and Frank Underwoods relationship. Its pure trust, love, and partnership.

In a open relationship you have your person that is your partner who you can rely on to be there for you in need and who will help you survive throughout life. They bring you joy and happiness. You trust them completely and you also love them. But there are billions of other people in the world that bring you joy too. Wouldn’t we like to experience all of the people who give us joy?

Maybe we are looking at love and relationships too narrow-mindedly. As if it is ‘this way’ or the highway aka nothing.

I may be a hypocrite and may be speaking out of my ass. But to me, on paper or in words, it makes sense. As primates, we searched for a mate in order to survive and procreate. So maybe it is still like that? Maybe our instincts should focus on survival and partnership.

However, in the actually world, whether or not I could actually actively achieve my words is another story. But I have opened my mind to something new and a new way of thinking, which I think is deeply beneficial.

I have been heartbroken to see so many people,( people I believed to be good people) cheat. I want to protect myself.

Maybe it is the difference between and man and boy, or girl and woman. Or maybe its just human nature to cheat. So maybe being open in your relationship is a real option.

 

At Last,

Brielle

The Side-Chick

As a girlfriend, the thought of your boyfriend cheating on you is the worst thought ever. And I’m not here to make it better. To be honest, he told me he wanted to be with me.

Not your boyfriend exactly, but some girls boyfriends have told me that. I am always shocked because I don’t expect that. Trust me, I don’t venture out to destroy your life. I am aware and cautious of my actions when I know a boy is taken. But I am just there, and somehow he thinks its a good idea to hit on me, kiss me, or straight up ask me out.

This particular person, I had known for a while. He is sweet, good looking, funny and he has been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Heck, I even met his girlfriend. To me though, he was perfect. He was the type of person I would dream of marrying… so I thought.  And he would have been the VERY last person I would have believed to cheat, until he asked me to be his side chick.

I am not kidding you. Those words, “side-chick” were literally used in our conversation.

I was baffled, astounded, any word to explain being shocked. The guy that seemed SO perfect to me, had liked me? and wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me?

It seemed like a grand old plan sneaking around with a hot guy, who I actually really got along with well.

But in reality, I could never bring myself to sleep around with someone who would screw over his girlfriend like that. I know that I am 10 million times better than being a side chick. I know that I deserve to be in a relationship, and not the girl who only gets the sex and not the actual commitment. So I told him that. Since he thought I was such a “great and amazing girl”, I said I deserved more than the role of a side chick.

I realized through all this, it is not the first time this has happened to me. Guys have cheated on their girlfriends with me before.

I’m sure it makes you feel shitty and insecure. And not to undermine your feelings, but It makes me feel pretty shitty too.

Sure, I got unwanted attention from your boyfriend. But that awesome (or shitty) guy you are dating, doesn’t like me. I am just a “thing” that is desirable to him. I’m not the person he wants to be with. I am the “thing” that is missing in his relationship. I am just the spark of excitement that he wants back in his own life. I am a reflection of what he needs.

I am literally nothing to him but a thing.

If he loved me first, we might have been happily together at this moment. But you met him first, and he’s yours. I might agree he’s handsome and sweet, but in no way do I want to date a guy that isn’t mine.

We are worth a lot more than he might think. I know I am a great girl and I deserve to be more than just a side chick and to be more than just a “thing” that he wants for a few nights or weeks. And you deserve a guy that wont cheat on you. We are all better than that

The Casual Relationship of this Generation

Previously posted on Mogul also:

https://onmogul.com/stories/the-casual-relationship-of-this-generation


There are a lot of things that we all criticize about dating today. It mostly revolves around commitment issues. People love to blame their ex for their broken heart and blame them for the way they are. So because of their ex, they can’t commit.

I fail to believe that this is the case.

Your ex isn’t the reason you don’t want to commit. You just want the fun without the stressors of a relationship. I can’t say I blame you. Relationships are stressful, and who needs them when we are young and beautiful. We can have whoever we want for the night. But you are the one who ignores the angel on your shoulder, and the others who listen to the angel…

 

 

A few drinks in…The devil says sleep with them, while the angel wakes you up in his or her bed the next morning saying you want a relationship and a future with someone.

Then there are other people who ignore the angel on their shoulder and listen to the little devil telling them that casual sex is exciting. The devil whispers to them telling them to escape into an emotionless, non-committable abyss.

I guess in today’s society sleeping around with people is normal? Its something “cool” people do.

Interestingly enough though, sleeping with someone and then listening to the angel on your shoulder and inevitably being rejected, isn’t the hurtful part. What hurts is when all of the people around you tell you that you are better than that. Obviously your girl friends are obligated to tell you that you’re amazing. But when all of your guy friends and even male co-workers look you straight in the eye and start telling you that you better than that, and him/her, it hurts you. Are they telling you, you don’t have the right taste in guys or girls?

If I am “amazing” and “the perfect girl that any guy would be lucky to have you,” why is he just sleeping with me?

It baffles me. Many girls and guys around me are great people. They are beautiful, smart, and fun yet their “significant other” won’t commit.

Maybe its the difference between men/women and boys/girls. But even that I am unsure of.

Maybe you have to do the 5 date rule before you sleep with him or her. But even that…

Maybe you have to act like you don’t care so he or she can chase you. But isn’t that childish?

Or maybe he or she just isn’t the right one. But that’s the hopeless romantic talking, who believes that one day prince charming will show up in her life. Childish?

I cant help but find hope in these situations though.

You slept them, so big deal. It probably wasn’t that great right?  Well he or she is just to caught up in societies norms blaming their ex’s for their destruction and addiction to casual relationships. He or she wasn’t able to see you were special. And you know what? That should make you want to show him or her and the rest of them that you are indestructible and you’re are going to be successful.  Show them all that you are a boss in your own life. Make those people that never saw your worth, regret not opening their eyes. Go make lots of money. Become a CEO of your future company or whatever you want in life. Be you and be happy.

At Last,

Brielle

Cambodia, I Love You

My trip this summer was about pushing myself out of my comfort zone and traveling to a place that is completely new. Thailand, didn’t quite hit the spot for me, but Cambodia sure did.
I choose Cambodia because I really wanted to go to Angkor Watt, one of the largest and oldest religious structures in the world. The moment I stepped outside and took the Tuk Tuk to our Guesthouse, I was in love with Cambodia.

Some things to love and think about in Cambodia:

img_0069

  • Cambodian life is so simple. Life is simple. Little kids running around barefoot playing in the mud. It makes you content with life at that moment.
  • Cambodia is poor. That’s a weird reason to love a place, but it makes you appreciate the simple things in life. They don’t need Tv’s and iphones to have fun, they just need each other.
  • Angkor Watt is beautiful. I suggest getting a tour guide because it will make it so much better. Pay the money for it :] and just spend like 3 days at the most there. img_0007img_9840img_0071img_9872
  • Be careful of the food you eat. Just make sure everything you eat is cooked. But also remember that your stomach will never be normal in South East Asia. Its hard acclimate yourself to it.
  • They are interested in the wellbeing of their country. It’s dangerous to talk about politics in other countries, but you can always listen. So many people asked about American politics and talked to us about Cambodian politics. It was really interesting.
  • There are two beautiful religions (Hinduism and Buddhism) in this politically stricken country, but they come together peacefully. Now where else in the world does that ever happen?img_0142
  • Its poor, and everyone wants your money because they are living with nothing. The feeling of rejecting them compared to rejecting someone in Thailand is very different. In Cambodia its just sad, but it made me care and love the country more.
  • School is a privilege that they don’t take for granted. Our 23 year old tour guide was so excited to finally go to high school in the city. We partied with him and we drank beer, ate snake, and crocodile with us! It was a lot of fun!

Cambodia is very different, so if you like adventures, go! I’m sure the capital is very different from the town of Angkor, but Angkor is definitely worth seeing!

img_9878

img_9812img_0155img_9794img_9983img_0009img_9936img_0015img_9901img_9874

img_9796

At Last,

Brielle

Trump is Your President, but Have HOPE

We have elected our new president, and at the beginning of January 2017, Trump will represent this country. As hateful as you might be of the choice, you must come to terms with reality. What’s done is done, and now you need to have hope and faith. Don’t blame the system. Don’t blame the DNC. Don’t blame your neighbor.

 Maybe Trump wasn’t what you wanted but don’t add to the divide. This separation that we see is due to the fact that people talked poorly and downgraded their own President in these past 8 years. And the racism that is instilled in our communities and in congress is because people are ignorant to their own hatred and negativity. We had a president that represented this country well and fought to compromise with Congress, but the hatred people had, brought divide within Congress.

 Unfortunately, I cannot tell the American people that Trump will do well, but it isn’t a time to spit hatred and dark words out. Reach out to local representative and get involved with politics.  Elections are only a small part of politics. Important, but small.  

I am sure that this is something you hear all the time but this country is seriously divided. Don’t add to the hatred. Just give the situation time. Have hope and faith that everything will work out. Then if it doesn’t work out, move to Canada.

At Last,

Brielle

The Truth About How You Become A Strong Woman After Heartbreak

Another one by me. Enjoy.

As read on Thought Catalog

http://tcat.tc/2eGep2K

 

Pride is stubborn. It refuses to let you understand your feelings. Some people have little pride and some people have a lot. Pride shows in different ways.  It can show in your pride to be right, your pride to work well, or your pride to love.

I have a lot of pride for being an independent person.

At that time I wouldn’t admit I was heartbroken. I tried to act like everything was ok, because what else are you supposed to do? People hurt you and you have to move on, but because I acted like I was fine on the outside and ignored what was inside of me and I started to deteriorate.

“I was fine,” I kept telling myself. Except I hadn’t been healthy for over 6 months.

I kept telling myself that I was “unlucky,” that I was continuously getting sick.

“I was fine.” I was getting sleep at night. I was laughing. I was eating healthy.

I wasn’t though.

My first true heartbreak fucked me up in every way possible.

I cried myself into a kidney infection. I continuously got colds. I suffered from a TMJ, which is built up stress in your jaw. I thought I was fine and healthy until I went to the dentist and nearly fainted. He told me my body couldn’t handle the stress.

I walked out of the dentist wondering why I was so overwhelmed. I was fine, so why was I sick and stressed?

Was it school? Was it work? Was it partying too much?

Although I’m sure they all played a part to the bigger picture, I had realized that I had been so upset because I was holding on to a relationship that just continuously hurt me.

I refused to admit to myself that a childish boy, who didn’t see my worth, broke me a million times again and again.

I refuse to admit that I was sick because I have always been a strong, independent woman, but I realized something.

You can’t be a strong, independent, and a healthy woman without being broken at least a few times.

Maybe this is cheesy, but take for instance, your immune system. You have to get sick so that you can build up your system. That way you are stronger for whatever the future might bring.

Just like your immune system, your heart has to endure heartbreak so that it can grow stronger for the next relationship.

I can’t say that being broken so many times will make the next heartbreak hurt less. It might hurt more. It’s the inevitable consequence or risk of sharing your heart with another. But at least maybe the next time you might handle yourself with more dignity or composure, or just willingness to understand you partner. Experience changes you. Sometimes it can hurt to morph into something new but things change to only improve ones life.