To Forget You First Must Forgive


“Forgive and forget.”

I never really thought much of the cliché saying. I had heard it in songs and movies over and over again, and yet, I could never grasp the idea.

How could you forgive someone that brought you so much pain?

But it just so happened that one night, as my imagination was running free, I finally understood that famous saying. It took me 6 months, but my vivid imagination led me to discover the method on how to let him go. So let me tell you my secret.

We fought and disagreed even after our break up. I was frustrated out of my mind, and we weren’t communicating. Conversations (those things that help people communicate) didn’t help us to salvage our relationship. Our texts just made it all worse. We should of just left it, but we didn’t. I was so frustrated and hurt that I lost all communication skills I had ever learned. I resorted to anger and unneeded snarky comments to deal with the pain. And he just shut off. I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting. That’s not who I am though. I hate to fight and argue. Especially when it only brings pain.

It finally all ended.

I thought that not talking would help me part ways with him. I thought that deleting him on social media would help. I thought that getting drunk almost every night might ease the pain. I came to realize that none of those methods fixed my broken heart.

After all this, for months after, I held onto this person and I can tell you why.

My snarky comments still resided inside me. I was still bitter and upset about what had happened and that was causing me to hold on to him. I had forgiven him for the choice he made to end our relationship. I respected that decision in the end.But I hadn’t forgiven him for hurting me as a result of not knowing what he wanted. I also didn’t forgive him for moving on. Because I was stuck to pick up the pieces by myself.


That night when my imagination was running free, I realized that if I ever saw him again or if he ever attempted to talk to me again, I would only have mean and angry words to say to him. I would pick up right where we left off. Reiterating the same comments. Why though? That would put us right back where we were before.

“To forget, you must forgive.”

Not that I planned on seeing or talking to this person again, but I needed to forgive him.

It’s a simple concept, but not easy to do.

It took me more than 6 months to understand how to forgive a boy that basically broke me like no one had before. And even still I can’t say I completely forgive him. I am working on it. It takes time. But I was done spending everyday reminiscing about what had happened and what went wrong.

You can’t remove yourself from a situation while your emotions are racing and on fire. You can’t evaluate your relationship until you have taken the time to understand it. Back then, I may have believed I had taken myself out of the upsetting situation, but I hadn’t. Removing myself from the war between us took me more than 8 months.

I was falling in love with someone and they hurt me. Sure. I won’t trust him or love him the same way ever again, but I can forgive him for the sake of myself.

If I ever talk to him again, I would throw away my pride for that one-minute and say, “I’m sorry.”

I wouldn’t expect anything in return, because in the end, at least I know I was the bigger person and I learned something for myself.


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