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Start From Scratch Life

Like every college senior, I dreaded the question, “What are you going to do after graduation?” Well I gave myself a choice when I started thinking about it, move back with my parents or move far away.

I chose the latter.

I had a few reasons for my move. One being I tend to run away from my unhappiness. Somehow I think that traveling and moving will make things better. In some respect, it does. And in this respect, it did.

I can’t deny that California gave me the best friends that I love with all my heart. And honestly, I miss being surrounded by the best of the best people. But somehow my best friends weren’t enough to keep me in the “blue bubble” of California. Because, realist me, knows that as we grow older, life unfortunately becomes more about creating a life with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with, rather than growing old with your best friend and living with a bunch of cats (or dogs).

It’s an odd truth that I have recently realized. Friends disappear into their relationships and then families are born. Things change.

This is not to stay that friends become irrelevant in your life, but they become less of your everyday. You aren’t in school with them anymore, and when you have a full-time job it’s hard to see them.

Your friends will always be part of your stability and health, that is a fact. But because my friends were making their own futures without me, I also needed to make my future.

So I moved away to create my own life.

There was always this feeling that I was looking for something more. A lot of time I thought I looked for it because I wanted to show my ex I was better than him. But as I found what I was looking for, I think I realized I just wasn’t happy with who I was.

It wasn’t that I wanted to be better for him, I just wanted to be better in general.

As I should. I have high standards for men and I have high standards for myself.

Somehow I found that “better” in the political hustle and bustle of our nations capitol, Washington D.C. And fell in love, with the city and myself. For the first time in my whole entire life I did things for me.

 

 

I don’t have any right to tell people how to live. I am who I am and you are who you are. But I will say that, moving and previously living abroad has changed me to be a better person. And in what other time in my life will I be able to so freely move across the country.

It’s not an easy thing to do.

I left my friends and my family.

I left my beautiful 1 year old niece, who will be bigger and bigger every-time I visit.

I left my parents who are getting older and I worry about them more than ever.

And I left my best friends, who are sometimes going through difficult times, and I would give the world to be able to sit there and be a shoulder for them to cry on.

With all that being said, sometimes you have to be selfish.

I moved to South Korea for year a few months after my father had his brain tumor taken out. It was one of the hardest decisions I could have made. I hated leaving my mom alone to take care of him and hated the thought that something bad could happen to my dad while I was away. But my sister looked at me and said, “sometimes you have to do things for yourself.” And I live every day of my life by that saying.

I’m on the east coast, a “start from scratch” life. It has a lot of room for opportunities and growth. With that being said, I couldn’t be happier.

At Last,
Brielle
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How To be in a Relationship

Sometimes life surprises you.
Sometimes the way that you thought relationships were supposed to be, is not how it turns out.
I have wrote almost all of my relationship blogs about the negative struggles that I have been through with boys in my life.
With that being said, this blog is taking a turn, because for the first time I have a man in my romantic life that I have nothing bad to say about.
I have never been in a real “labeled” relationship, and so, I have struggle lately with how to be in a real.
Every guy I have ever liked didn’t treat me right. They bailed on me, they led me on, they lied to me and the list goes on. It was always an instant feeling of wanting and needing these boys that didn’t want me back.
It’s true. In our twisted fucked up brains, women love it. They want to fight to be loved by someone. It doesn’t make sense.
But for once, I said “New city, New me.” I’m going to try something new.
I met someone who from the start just wanted me and didn’t care about the drama. Never bailed, never lied, but instead, made an effort.
I didn’t know how to handle that. I almost cut it off because it wasn’t an instant feeling of wanting and needing him.
Maybe in my fucked up brain I was so accustomed to thinking there needed to be drama. That there needed to be a chase.
I contemplated my feelings for this person, but my friend told me something, “You don’t meet a good guy very often. So you should at least see where it goes.”
Inside I wondered what my gut was telling me. I felt like I wasn’t sure about it all. It freaked me out that certain things didn’t happen like everyone says they should.
But all I knew was that every time I saw him the more I grew to like him and the more I knew if I cut it off I would regret it.
And now I’m here.
I saw him less than 12 hours ago and I want to see him again. Smiling at my screen thinking about the stupid simple things like laying on the couch last night in my little t-shirt with my legs laying across his or cuddling at night and in some way wanting to be closer.
I always expected the person I would date to be someone that I would instantly fall for. Head over heels right off the bat.
That head over heels, starring at my phone, slightly obsessive feeling has come over me before with other guys.
Not surprised to say, it never worked out because I ignored all the bad things they did to me. Being head over heels for someone doesn’t mean anything if they treat you like crap.  And that means if a guy does the “simple” thing of bailing on you or not texting you back, its not worth it. I always always made excuses for them in the past. I tried to be understanding of people, but that was dumb of me.
Come to find out if they really want to see you they will find a way, and if they wanted to text you they would.
And yes you have heard that a millions times. And yes you will ignore my advice, because just maybe he is different.  And, I will say maybe he will fall for you after you chase him for a while. Its a rare but probable outcome.
I learned that everyone’s experience of falling for someone is different. It took me a good month to be comfortable and start to feel butterflies because I doubted myself.
Who knows if this will last, but at least I found someone who is weird and I feel free with.
 At Last,
Brielle

Is Monogamy Lost?

Every time a boy hurts me, for a brief second, I lose faith in them. But naturally the cycle continues and I meet another one.

But this time there hasn’t been one particular boy that hurt me. This time it is just the continuous stories and situations I hear or find myself in that have brought me to my lowest point of faith in boys. 

cheaters.

All of my best friends ex’s, that perfect guy at work, the random guy from that party, my long time best friend, my family friend, and some might say even their parents. At this point it’s like asking, “who hasn’t cheated?” And at this point, I am starting to question whether monogamy is possible? 

At some point will they cheat on you?

If your relationship is built from love, that love is destined to fade, OR change. If your relationship is built from trust and partnership, don’t you believe that it will last? Partnership allows individuals to survive, whereas a love relationship allows uncertainty and is forever changing.

For my House of Cards fans, think Of Claire and Frank Underwoods relationship. Its pure trust, love, and partnership.

In a open relationship you have your person that is your partner who you can rely on to be there for you in need and who will help you survive throughout life. They bring you joy and happiness. You trust them completely and you also love them. But there are billions of other people in the world that bring you joy too. Wouldn’t we like to experience all of the people who give us joy?

Maybe we are looking at love and relationships too narrow-mindedly. As if it is ‘this way’ or the highway aka nothing.

I may be a hypocrite and may be speaking out of my ass. But to me, on paper or in words, it makes sense. As primates, we searched for a mate in order to survive and procreate. So maybe it is still like that? Maybe our instincts should focus on survival and partnership.

However, in the actually world, whether or not I could actually actively achieve my words is another story. But I have opened my mind to something new and a new way of thinking, which I think is deeply beneficial.

I have been heartbroken to see so many people,( people I believed to be good people) cheat. I want to protect myself.

Maybe it is the difference between and man and boy, or girl and woman. Or maybe its just human nature to cheat. So maybe being open in your relationship is a real option.

 

At Last,

Brielle

The Side-Chick

As a girlfriend, the thought of your boyfriend cheating on you is the worst thought ever. And I’m not here to make it better. To be honest, he told me he wanted to be with me.

Not your boyfriend exactly, but some girls boyfriends have told me that. I am always shocked because I don’t expect that. Trust me, I don’t venture out to destroy your life. I am aware and cautious of my actions when I know a boy is taken. But I am just there, and somehow he thinks its a good idea to hit on me, kiss me, or straight up ask me out.

This particular person, I had known for a while. He is sweet, good looking, funny and he has been in a relationship for the past year and a half. Heck, I even met his girlfriend. To me though, he was perfect. He was the type of person I would dream of marrying… so I thought.  And he would have been the VERY last person I would have believed to cheat, until he asked me to be his side chick.

I am not kidding you. Those words, “side-chick” were literally used in our conversation.

I was baffled, astounded, any word to explain being shocked. The guy that seemed SO perfect to me, had liked me? and wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me?

It seemed like a grand old plan sneaking around with a hot guy, who I actually really got along with well.

But in reality, I could never bring myself to sleep around with someone who would screw over his girlfriend like that. I know that I am 10 million times better than being a side chick. I know that I deserve to be in a relationship, and not the girl who only gets the sex and not the actual commitment. So I told him that. Since he thought I was such a “great and amazing girl”, I said I deserved more than the role of a side chick.

I realized through all this, it is not the first time this has happened to me. Guys have cheated on their girlfriends with me before.

I’m sure it makes you feel shitty and insecure. And not to undermine your feelings, but It makes me feel pretty shitty too.

Sure, I got unwanted attention from your boyfriend. But that awesome (or shitty) guy you are dating, doesn’t like me. I am just a “thing” that is desirable to him. I’m not the person he wants to be with. I am the “thing” that is missing in his relationship. I am just the spark of excitement that he wants back in his own life. I am a reflection of what he needs.

I am literally nothing to him but a thing.

If he loved me first, we might have been happily together at this moment. But you met him first, and he’s yours. I might agree he’s handsome and sweet, but in no way do I want to date a guy that isn’t mine.

We are worth a lot more than he might think. I know I am a great girl and I deserve to be more than just a side chick and to be more than just a “thing” that he wants for a few nights or weeks. And you deserve a guy that wont cheat on you. We are all better than that

The Casual Relationship of this Generation

Previously posted on Mogul also:

https://onmogul.com/stories/the-casual-relationship-of-this-generation


There are a lot of things that we all criticize about dating today. It mostly revolves around commitment issues. People love to blame their ex for their broken heart and blame them for the way they are. So because of their ex, they can’t commit.

I fail to believe that this is the case.

Your ex isn’t the reason you don’t want to commit. You just want the fun without the stressors of a relationship. I can’t say I blame you. Relationships are stressful, and who needs them when we are young and beautiful. We can have whoever we want for the night. But you are the one who ignores the angel on your shoulder, and the others who listen to the angel…

 

 

A few drinks in…The devil says sleep with them, while the angel wakes you up in his or her bed the next morning saying you want a relationship and a future with someone.

Then there are other people who ignore the angel on their shoulder and listen to the little devil telling them that casual sex is exciting. The devil whispers to them telling them to escape into an emotionless, non-committable abyss.

I guess in today’s society sleeping around with people is normal? Its something “cool” people do.

Interestingly enough though, sleeping with someone and then listening to the angel on your shoulder and inevitably being rejected, isn’t the hurtful part. What hurts is when all of the people around you tell you that you are better than that. Obviously your girl friends are obligated to tell you that you’re amazing. But when all of your guy friends and even male co-workers look you straight in the eye and start telling you that you better than that, and him/her, it hurts you. Are they telling you, you don’t have the right taste in guys or girls?

If I am “amazing” and “the perfect girl that any guy would be lucky to have you,” why is he just sleeping with me?

It baffles me. Many girls and guys around me are great people. They are beautiful, smart, and fun yet their “significant other” won’t commit.

Maybe its the difference between men/women and boys/girls. But even that I am unsure of.

Maybe you have to do the 5 date rule before you sleep with him or her. But even that…

Maybe you have to act like you don’t care so he or she can chase you. But isn’t that childish?

Or maybe he or she just isn’t the right one. But that’s the hopeless romantic talking, who believes that one day prince charming will show up in her life. Childish?

I cant help but find hope in these situations though.

You slept them, so big deal. It probably wasn’t that great right?  Well he or she is just to caught up in societies norms blaming their ex’s for their destruction and addiction to casual relationships. He or she wasn’t able to see you were special. And you know what? That should make you want to show him or her and the rest of them that you are indestructible and you’re are going to be successful.  Show them all that you are a boss in your own life. Make those people that never saw your worth, regret not opening their eyes. Go make lots of money. Become a CEO of your future company or whatever you want in life. Be you and be happy.

At Last,

Brielle

Cambodia, I Love You

My trip this summer was about pushing myself out of my comfort zone and traveling to a place that is completely new. Thailand, didn’t quite hit the spot for me, but Cambodia sure did.
I choose Cambodia because I really wanted to go to Angkor Watt, one of the largest and oldest religious structures in the world. The moment I stepped outside and took the Tuk Tuk to our Guesthouse, I was in love with Cambodia.

Some things to love and think about in Cambodia:

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  • Cambodian life is so simple. Life is simple. Little kids running around barefoot playing in the mud. It makes you content with life at that moment.
  • Cambodia is poor. That’s a weird reason to love a place, but it makes you appreciate the simple things in life. They don’t need Tv’s and iphones to have fun, they just need each other.
  • Angkor Watt is beautiful. I suggest getting a tour guide because it will make it so much better. Pay the money for it :] and just spend like 3 days at the most there. img_0007img_9840img_0071img_9872
  • Be careful of the food you eat. Just make sure everything you eat is cooked. But also remember that your stomach will never be normal in South East Asia. Its hard acclimate yourself to it.
  • They are interested in the wellbeing of their country. It’s dangerous to talk about politics in other countries, but you can always listen. So many people asked about American politics and talked to us about Cambodian politics. It was really interesting.
  • There are two beautiful religions (Hinduism and Buddhism) in this politically stricken country, but they come together peacefully. Now where else in the world does that ever happen?img_0142
  • Its poor, and everyone wants your money because they are living with nothing. The feeling of rejecting them compared to rejecting someone in Thailand is very different. In Cambodia its just sad, but it made me care and love the country more.
  • School is a privilege that they don’t take for granted. Our 23 year old tour guide was so excited to finally go to high school in the city. We partied with him and we drank beer, ate snake, and crocodile with us! It was a lot of fun!

Cambodia is very different, so if you like adventures, go! I’m sure the capital is very different from the town of Angkor, but Angkor is definitely worth seeing!

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At Last,

Brielle

Trump is Your President, but Have HOPE

We have elected our new president, and at the beginning of January 2017, Trump will represent this country. As hateful as you might be of the choice, you must come to terms with reality. What’s done is done, and now you need to have hope and faith. Don’t blame the system. Don’t blame the DNC. Don’t blame your neighbor.

 Maybe Trump wasn’t what you wanted but don’t add to the divide. This separation that we see is due to the fact that people talked poorly and downgraded their own President in these past 8 years. And the racism that is instilled in our communities and in congress is because people are ignorant to their own hatred and negativity. We had a president that represented this country well and fought to compromise with Congress, but the hatred people had, brought divide within Congress.

 Unfortunately, I cannot tell the American people that Trump will do well, but it isn’t a time to spit hatred and dark words out. Reach out to local representative and get involved with politics.  Elections are only a small part of politics. Important, but small.  

I am sure that this is something you hear all the time but this country is seriously divided. Don’t add to the hatred. Just give the situation time. Have hope and faith that everything will work out. Then if it doesn’t work out, move to Canada.

At Last,

Brielle